I think it’s perfectly reasonable to complain when a partner will never make a move, or hasn’t made a move in a long time.
I’m a straight dude in a long term monogamous relationship, and I don’t like stretches where I’m the only one initiating. It needs to be give and take, over time. Being desired, especially when I’m not expecting it, is part of my own emotional needs, and I can’t imagine it’s uncommon, even across genders and sexual orientations.
I fully agree that this is a 2-way-street. But in my experience over the last 27 years of relationships, women still somehow think that simply responding to male sexual drive is enough, while most young men nowadays are keenly aware about the fact that permanently lusting over their partners is a very pushy thing to do, and they have adapted to that reality. Also, young men (at least the ones worth of being in a relationship) also realize that this is a 2-way-street. So it is only fair to expect from this lady - who is publicly complaining instead of talking to her partner, which in itself is somewhat fucked up - to voice her desires instead of holding her partner to an impossible standard.
Edit: she can complain publicly again if her partner categorically refuses sex with her regardless of circumstances, but she might be better of separating at that point instead of whining - there are enough men out there that are viable partners and who would do a lot for that opportunity - if she is a decent partner herself.
when a partner will never make a move, or hasn’t made a move in a long time.
That’s how I’ve ended up in situations like the OP. If she’s shot me down the last 20 times I’ve tried to initiate anything I’m going to stop doing it. It’s on her to let me know when she’s in the mood at that point. I’m not gonna just keep dealing with rejection and feeling like I’m pressuring her to do shit she’s not interested in for whatever reason.
Yep, that’s my experience too. After a series of getting shown the door, she has to announce when it’s ok again. This is a basic curtesy to expect from a partner (regardless of gender) that was not in the required headspace for sex for a while.
My wife is ace/demi so I have to initiate it; otherwise, it’s rarer than Mewtoo. I’d enjoy being pursued sometime because it’d be a boost to my self image.
That’s a harsh situation if your self-worth is hinging a lot on being desired. But it is also something that can be overcome with communication and some basic agreements if both of you really want to pursue that relationship. I am pretty sure that if you told her that your self-images hinges on her desiring you, that she would occasionally go out of her way of expressing how much you mean to her.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to complain when a partner will never make a move, or hasn’t made a move in a long time.
I’m a straight dude in a long term monogamous relationship, and I don’t like stretches where I’m the only one initiating. It needs to be give and take, over time. Being desired, especially when I’m not expecting it, is part of my own emotional needs, and I can’t imagine it’s uncommon, even across genders and sexual orientations.
I fully agree that this is a 2-way-street. But in my experience over the last 27 years of relationships, women still somehow think that simply responding to male sexual drive is enough, while most young men nowadays are keenly aware about the fact that permanently lusting over their partners is a very pushy thing to do, and they have adapted to that reality. Also, young men (at least the ones worth of being in a relationship) also realize that this is a 2-way-street. So it is only fair to expect from this lady - who is publicly complaining instead of talking to her partner, which in itself is somewhat fucked up - to voice her desires instead of holding her partner to an impossible standard.
Edit: she can complain publicly again if her partner categorically refuses sex with her regardless of circumstances, but she might be better of separating at that point instead of whining - there are enough men out there that are viable partners and who would do a lot for that opportunity - if she is a decent partner herself.
That’s how I’ve ended up in situations like the OP. If she’s shot me down the last 20 times I’ve tried to initiate anything I’m going to stop doing it. It’s on her to let me know when she’s in the mood at that point. I’m not gonna just keep dealing with rejection and feeling like I’m pressuring her to do shit she’s not interested in for whatever reason.
Yep, that’s my experience too. After a series of getting shown the door, she has to announce when it’s ok again. This is a basic curtesy to expect from a partner (regardless of gender) that was not in the required headspace for sex for a while.
My wife is ace/demi so I have to initiate it; otherwise, it’s rarer than Mewtoo. I’d enjoy being pursued sometime because it’d be a boost to my self image.
That’s a harsh situation if your self-worth is hinging a lot on being desired. But it is also something that can be overcome with communication and some basic agreements if both of you really want to pursue that relationship. I am pretty sure that if you told her that your self-images hinges on her desiring you, that she would occasionally go out of her way of expressing how much you mean to her.