I’m starting to believe against the idea. Movies, Shows and even Anime would have you believe that friendships still are friendships despite how long its been since the last time you hung with them. Real cases also support this. But then there’s other cases where it’s just not always the case.
I don’t like the idea of wasting time in that fashion, when it comes to friendships. There are things that happen to us to where it can’t help but to happen. Things like being in the military, getting involved in illegal activities, having terminal illnesses, being in prison/jail, being dead or similar scenarios. These are things that just happen in life and we have to come to accept that.
I lived with an ex-roommate who has told me that he has friends he considered friends, even if they haven’t talked in years. That concept is just weird to me and it always will be. How can you call yourselves friends when so much time has passed without so much of a peep? I’ve found from my experience that, things like this tends to make me feel a lot more lonelier and isolated.
I can’t help but think of all of the years that have gone by me, where nobody has asked me to play a game with them, nobody has had deep-welled discussions with me, nobody has arranged plans with me .etc And I’m supposed to accept this kind of practice?
And trying to compile all of the events when you do reconnect with someone, is just exhausting in of itself. Yeah, lets say you get back with someone after 10 years and all that they tell you after asking them as to what’s been going on, they respond with “Nothing much”. Nothing much? In 10 years, nothing much? I call bullshit.
I’m not trying to pitch the idea that people should contact eachother every second of every day. It’s bad enough we have people who believe that going no-contact in a week = friendship over and woe is me, I’ve been ghosted. I try being lenient to friends that I have. Just talk to me within the entire year. That’s it.
And if I still end up removing that friend, then it was probably evaluated based on whom outgrew the friendship more than whom.
I get people operate differently when it comes to friendships. But, I just can’t accept the practice of going so long without upkeep of friendship. That’s just simply pissing so much time away and pissing away any potential to make a friendship meaningful beyond surface level stuff or where the friendship was last meaningful, like in high school.
If when you see each other it brings a smile to your faces you are still friends no matter how much time passed.
I don’t think “friends” works well as a binary yes/no. There are many different kinds of friends, Some people are like cacti and only need to be watered once a year. Other people are like… I’m not a gardener, but some other kind of plant that needs frequent watering. Some are weeds that will take over your entire home. This metaphor got away from me a little.
Personally, I follow a strategy of “when you have the energy, demonstrate the behavior you want to see.” So if you have the juice to handle an unsatisfying outcome, reach out to them like you’d want to be reached out to. Invite them to a party. Send them a funny meme. Whatever. They might flake. They might not respond. But you only do this when you can handle that disappointment. If someone’s been real flakey and you just can’t deal with it, you don’t have to go the extra mile for them.
Don’t forget the dude that’s like mint. You hung out once, and now you have a new massive extended friend circle against your will and your being dragged to events and parties.
The older you get the faster time flies and the more responsibilities you have.
Reconnecting can be a real treasure or a sad discovery that you have grown in different directions that no longer mesh in a way you want to continue.
I’m also noticing that in your post you only mention being reached out to, not reaching out. The phone works in both directions.
That’s because to document how many times I’ve reached out and been underwhelmed with the conversations in response, would blossom this response at least 20x my post length. And I really do not have the energy to do that.
I can meet up with an old friend after years and years but pick up right where we left off.
Sure we aren’t as close as we were in high school, when we would spend almost every weekend hanging out together, but we’re definitely still friends. They certainly aren’t strangers.
Growing up means having your friends move away, start families or go down different paths. You see people less often and plans are harder to arrange. But you still share fond memories of the time you spent together.
Edit: Also, as someone in my 30s, I would also say from experience that adult friendships take more effort in general. Unlike in our school days, scheduling becomes difficult because everyone has a different work and home life. It’s extremely easy to get caught up in the daily routine of going to work and coming home and chilling out with family or roommates.
I haven’t always been the best at this personally, but if you feel lonely or like you aren’t seeing your friends enough, I recommend being taking the initiative and being proactive about setting up things to do with people.
Same, I can catch a good friend I have not seen in 10 years and we pick up right as if it was 1 day. Same inside jokes and all.
Yep I’ve got several mates I can meet up with after a year or three and it’s like no time has passed.
Hell I recently bumped into someone at a wedding I’d not spoken to in about 15 years, we did acknowledge the gap in that instance, but now are chatting again pretty casually
On the flip side there are people that if I go a couple of months without seeing them it’s a bit awkward until the cadence is up again. Nothing really wrong with it, just some friendships differ from person to person at the end of the day, would be silly to expect uniformity
Absolutely this. I tried keeping in touch with people, but social media made that actually harder to maintain, then evolved into the shit pile it is. I jumped ship in 2015-2016 and went back to my core group of friends
My “friends” are the people I’d bend over backwards for whether they’d do the same or not (don’t need them to reciprocate), but I’m sure they’d do that for me if needed. With all of us having kids 1-10 years, and living up to an hour apart, and working different schedules, we still make efforts around breaks or holidays to hang out or visit-however brief.
Being an adult comes with a lot of schedule conflicts, and time flies. I have plenty of friends who I won’t speak to for years, and then we’ll randomly pick back up like nothing ever happened. When the stars align, our schedules might sync up and we hang out more frequently for a while, and then things will change and we won’t see each other for years again. Still good friends though
I’m a childless, perma-bachelor now at an age where most of my peers are married and have children. I see a majority of my friends only a couple times a year, but it’s still worth it.
I don’t see the issue. I have a friend I hang out with once a year for a day and we don’t talk eachother a single word for the remaining time.
My sixty-something year old dad has one friend. They’ve lived like you and your friend since high school, sometimes missing a year or two. They may also call each other for birthdays (sometimes) but I think I’ve seen Uncle Todd twice in my life.
I’m fortunate that my two closest friends have been close friends since elementary school. At one point we all lived in different states but were still active through gaming, chatting, and meeting up for various events. Now I work with one and travel with the other.
I have a third friend I consider a friend even though I’ve seen him a couple times in the past 10 years and communicated just a bit more. We’ve all been in each other’s weddings. I’d say that our past experiences through school and having lived together has built relationships that I’ll always consider friendship unless something significantly changes.
I have a bunch of people I may just call buddies or acquaintances because the bonds weren’t as close and communication has all but gone away.
Yes. Sometimes a friendship cannot handle time but sometimes it can. Life can get busy, especially when you have a family and a job and volunteering.
Also, time compresses as you age. A week is a long time as a kid but a decade can go by in a blink of an eye when you’re older.
This reminds me, I need to set up a lunch with someone.
it’s what you make of it.
some folks feel hurt and betrayed if you don’t text them every other hour. some don’t care if you don’t talk to them for years.
I hadn’t talked to a once super close friend in 3 years and hadn’t seen him in 6 and he just died . Just got back from his funeral across the country. Lots of regret in not catching up more often. I didn’t know had life had fallen apart and he didn’t reach out either. Stay in touch but even if years go by still be friends (unless of course they’re toxic, etc.)
I’m basically the same way. If they have gone for an entire year and there isn’t even so hello. Then as far as I’m concerned, they don’t care about the friendship. Now there’s obviously exceptions to that. Like if they are deployed in the Military and for a very long period of time they can’t really communicate. OK, that might be understandable. But even in the military you are (generally) allowed letters or something.
But barring something extraordinary like that, yeah, as far as I’m concerned, they don’t care about the friendship. I’ll give them a year maybe two tops. After that, I don’t bother calling them again. I have one individual who used to be a great friend. But that person hasn’t called or visited in 25+ years. before that, I was the only one who ever called. So as far as I’m concerned, they don’t care about the friendship.
My friends from high school and I always pick up right where we left off no matter how many years it’s been. We’re all in our 40s now, and it’s not easy to schedule get togethers.
Other friends have come and gone for various reasons, but the best, oldest friends don’t care how long it’s been.
100% cope for people who only care about who they are having sex with, the results of that sex (their children), and other people who can advance their careers.
These are hollow people for whom friendship has zero value except as entertainment while you are conveniently located.
They are also the vast majority of the public.
What a horrible thing to say.
Sure. Let’s talk about it during our next bicentennial phone call.
I don’t have many friends. Most of the friends I have I see about once a year. Seems to work fine, not much happens anyway so its not like we spend 8 hours going through all the events. Its more like one major event and a few smaller ones, then its just shooting the shit.
But if I don’t see or hear from someone in ten years and they don’t respond to my contact attempts or respond in a way that makes me think they are not interested, then those are not my friends.
