Also sleep in a poorly ventilated room, in a tiny hammock, with 50 other men. Don’t worry, you’d probably sleep well because you’d be so exhausted from the crushing physical labour. You’d be eating simple, unflavoured bread / crackers that are so hard that they need to be dunked in water for several minutes so they don’t break your teeth. And, speaking of teeth, your new job does come with healthcare, but that’s mostly tooth pulling and limb amputations. Anything else and you just need to suck it up. No sick days either, you show up for your shifts, 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. Sickness is probably pretty common. 50 men sleeping in the same crowded, airless room. No washing, no soap. Toilets are simply a plank with a hole above the ocean. No toilet paper either.
I can handle all that up to the part where there’s no toilet paper. I already know I’m gonna be wet and salty and uncomfortable, but ain’t no way in hell I’m getting diaper rash on top of that.
So you want to be first mate, do ye? Arrr… well… aye.
But first ye must pass a test. Wear an eye patch over each eye and then walk a tightrope from the poop deck to the crows nest. To prove your leadership skills!
You also kinda need to be able to hoist sails, tie knots, swab decks, carry heavy loads, wield a cutlass effectively, and all sorts of other things…
Eating rotten food is also important. Do it in the dark so you can’t see what garbage you are eating…
But why is the rum gone?
That’s not good enough!
Happy cake day! Sorry we’re all out of rum!
Why are we always out of rum?
Because its an evil drink that can turn even the most devout of men into scoundrels.
Ploo-la-larley? Plarly?
Parlay?
That’s the one!
Also sleep in a poorly ventilated room, in a tiny hammock, with 50 other men. Don’t worry, you’d probably sleep well because you’d be so exhausted from the crushing physical labour. You’d be eating simple, unflavoured bread / crackers that are so hard that they need to be dunked in water for several minutes so they don’t break your teeth. And, speaking of teeth, your new job does come with healthcare, but that’s mostly tooth pulling and limb amputations. Anything else and you just need to suck it up. No sick days either, you show up for your shifts, 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. Sickness is probably pretty common. 50 men sleeping in the same crowded, airless room. No washing, no soap. Toilets are simply a plank with a hole above the ocean. No toilet paper either.
But, you do get to sing sea shanties.
I can handle all that up to the part where there’s no toilet paper. I already know I’m gonna be wet and salty and uncomfortable, but ain’t no way in hell I’m getting diaper rash on top of that.
I see myself as more a manager type. Could I just tell everybody else what to do?
So you want to be first mate, do ye? Arrr… well… aye.
But first ye must pass a test. Wear an eye patch over each eye and then walk a tightrope from the poop deck to the crows nest. To prove your leadership skills!
Sure thing… hey Joe cap’n says he needs you to wear these and walk across this rigging I set up.
Now that’s leadership, first matie! Yarrr!