A lot of weirdos with marshmallows on sticks are gonna follow her around.

I mean we all get perverted thoughts, like, “Oh hell yeah, shower burrito” but we need that self control or else the drain is clogged with cheese.

I was gonna fix my backups, but I got high.
I was gonna be able to restore, but then I got high.
Now I lost all my crap, and I know why! (Why man?) Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high.

Stake salesman: Babe! I can retire early!

If you want to write effectively, you need to sit by a cafe window and look out at the street while it’s raining. If someone asks you what your book is about, sigh heavily, then say that it’s a think piece about furries in space.

In before PugJesus drops a ten thousand pound knowledge bomb.

“Scans for 3D printed firearm” yeah okay. It’s totally going to detect that with 100% accuracy.

This makes me cry every time. Apparently all they could save of the horse was the head, but luckily scientists were able to make it float. You can’t ride Ol Stompie anymore, but they like to take him out for walks in the sunshine. It freaks out the tourists, but no one cares.

(My heart following my dick)
Dick: Lets call our insane ex.

You see tactically elephants go stomp-stomp. What’s gonna beat that!?

I’m kinda tired of living through these massive historical events.

I learn so much from your memes Pugjesus! Keep em coming!

The bad guys wore skulls and all black? Oh come on writers!

All it needs is a bass guitar Seinfeld riff.

My retirement plan is to sell one ooga for two boogas.

The fuckers have become the fuckee’s.

Hitwoman: (shoots dual machine guns out the window)
Me: (Cooking chili) Heh. This is SO us.

Seems like you could quickly tell if he stole a bunch of your cookies.

Many of these plans were straight out of Loony Tunes.
CIA bro: Okay, so like he enjoys diving…for shells, and we can like put a bomb in the shell.
Some dude in the back: Will that work?
CIA bro: Dude. Can you just. Support me for once!?

(Knight shows up)
Enemy knights: You know what? We give up.