usually whenever someone complains about this sort of thing, it’s because they got told off for espousing fascist bullshit, so please, elaborate for us.

The last game I pirated was Driver: San Francisco a couple years ago, because you couldn’t (still can’t? maybe?) buy it anywhere except for like, second-hand physical media, and I am not going through that hassle. I can’t even remember the game I last pirated before that (Probably Sims 4, because fuck EA and fuck that laundry list of DLC – but I can’t be sure).

Music, movies, and TV shows, though? Oh yeah, baby, that’s a weekly activity now. Netflix I dumped many years ago when the fracturing of content to twenty different streaming services happened, and Spotify I dumped just this last year for a few different reasons (the CEO donating to AI weapons programs, introducing a fuckass AI DJ, ICE ads, getting fed up with songs I either can’t find or can find but aren’t available in my region, or could listen to and enjoyed and then having them suddenly become unavailable, etc…)

I’m sure, someday, Steam will enshittify. Probably shortly after Gabe dies – and it will be a dark day for me and millions of gamers worldwide. But for now, I’m more than happy to let Gabe empty my wallet with sales and convenience, because the gettin’s been good for a couple decades and will likely remain so for another couple. I can’t say the same for music, movies, and TV; I don’t know if I’ll ever end up paying for them again unless the distributors involved sort their shit out.

the fact that Gabe said “piracy is a service problem” fifteen fucking years ago, and none of these fuckwits in content distribution have learned this at all is a source of continuous astonishment to me.

Is he? Because I can recite the lyrics from memory and I can’t recall singing anything about the tangerine toddler terrorist.

Off the top of my head: Iraq, 9/11, the PATRIOT act, Afghanistan (and the withdrawal), Katrina, Obama, Trump (and maybe a mention for J6), the Ukraine war, the Uyghur genocide, Snowden, the Panama Papers, Epstein, the Gaza genocide, the Queen dying, and maybe a snarky verse referencing Liz Truss and the lettuce.

Been here for over a decade

My deepest condolences.

What people answering you don’t understand is the difference between fighting for love and fighting for the CHANCE for love. This is like the difference between struggling to win at a slot machine and struggling to get in the casino. Then people try to convince you that there’s a system to it. Please, as if we don’t know the rules - shower, groom yourself, be assertive but not pushy, read the room, show interest in their interests but don’t interrogate, complement their efforts, be charming and make them laugh. We can follow all this to the tee but all we ever hear is “Yes, but not you”. And don’t get me started at the cowardism. There’s never constructive criticism, at best there’s a " no" at worst there’s a lie.

this.

I’d not be so resigned if I’d had some genuine interest turn up at some point. But the only person I’ve ever gotten a second date from (and a brief relationship for a few months), later told me he meant and felt nothing of what he said he did, over text, on Christmas morning 2020. Even he couldn’t articulate why, he just didn’t feel anything for me despite everything I’d done up to that point to be up to par for him. Everyone else disappears like a fart in the wind well before a second date.

I know love is not all sunshine and roses, and work and effort is involved, but I suppose not everyone who wants to work can find a job, either, as my recent job hunt has illustrated. Only problem is, Walmart and McDonalds accept everyone, and the consequences for working at either are a lot less than the consequences of dating someone who will “accept anyone”.

I am reminded of the quote by Stephen Gould, “I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”

likewise, there will be plenty of people who live and die alone who are just as good a partner as anyone else can hope for, but who just don’t get lucky. Me, I’ve had my relationship woes, depression, cancer, losing my job and having my career derailed recently because of cancer, all kinds of fun hints that I am just not lucky and not meant for the things I want out of life. And I guess I just have to learn to be okay with that.

Probably too damaged to be good enough for anyone decent, now, anyways. And definitely too damaged to open up to anyone in any meaningful capacity, in any reasonable span of time – most partners expect you to let them in and lean on them in turn, and I’ve learned by now not to let anyone in.

I never said everything is outside your control, don’t put words in my mouth. There are some things you can change, and some things you can’t. And after spending long enough trying different things and taking stock of what I’ve tried in the dating game, and not a single human being has ever had any genuine interest in me, as I approach my 30s – I have come to this conclusion not through flip “woe is me” bullshit over a night of binge drinking, this is years of depression and deep thought on it. I accept the reality that is presented to me, and the reality is that whatever drives others away is simply not something I can change, and my best going theory is I’m just an annoying fucking spastic who can’t see through bullshit. That’s not to say I know that for certain, just that I’ve tried changing up everything that I can (and am willing to) change to attract another person – from small things to large – and it’s never helped, and I’ve tried for long enough.

Some of us just aren’t meant to have certain things in life.

Oh please, I tried that “fake it til you make it” horseshit and it was worn away through years of constant shitheads using me for their entertainment, all the while trying my hardest to believe it would come eventually.

The hard facts of life are this: life is not a fairy tale. Not every story has a happy ending. As you read this, there are kids out there catching bullets in Gaza who will never even get to finish puberty, let alone find love. Nothing is guaranteed – you can try as hard as you want at something, and sometimes you simply will not have it for factors entirely outside of your control. Some people will never be able to serve on submarines, because they are too tall. Some people will never be able to be a commercial pilot, because they are colorblind. Likewise, some of us just aren’t destined for love, be it for any myriad constellations of internal and external factors.

In my case, I have mild autism, and I can never mask well enough that someone decent won’t see through my facade. Oh, sure, I’m apparently fun to be around for brief periods at a time, but I guess the novelty of a spastic wears off for them and they quickly make their exit, ghosting me soon enough. But more upsettingly, all the horrible people who stick around to use me for their entertainment, I can never see through theirs before it’s too late.

It’s not fair. But sometimes that’s just how things are.

And now, knowing what I do, I’d not put effort towards something as hard to find and keep as love. At least when I put my efforts towards other pursuits, I can see measurable progress in some way. Trying to find love was like ramming my head against a brick wall and hoping the wall would break before I did. If you want to help someone who’s on that “forever alone” drivel, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but they’re much better off putting their effort towards things they’re actually making progress in. Your best chance of finding love in such a scenario? Dumb luck. It will either fall out of the great blue sky for you, or it won’t, and that’s just how it is.