According to my very particular standards, you’re a good husband.

Buy flowers.

Yep!

I sure am tryin’

Yes

Are you my kid? Nowhere is safe from him.

Technically not yet, I’m smoking on my patio. But that first cup of coffee is 3/4 gone and if this had popped up in the feed five minutes later, you would have had me.

Yes I am!

Currently, yes

Yes

What else would I be doing?

Does currently sitting down to pee get any points here?

I’m fucking trying but I’m having a flare up and even liquified miralax lava is giving me a hard time. Fuck Crohn’s

…Yes

Fuck man, I’m trying to