If your left arm had cancer, or gangrene, removing it was what you needed to be healthy.
friends/family can be like that. The problem is people assume they are always good. they are not always. lots of people are caught it toxic/unhealthy dynamics and relationships that are making their lives objectively worse, but they refuse to end these relationships out of fear of being alone or their fear of being a ‘loser’ without any friends… when maybe their life would be objectively better without those people in it.
and just like removing your left arm, if you do it, they are not coming back, and even if you get a replacement prosthetic, it might be somewhat functional and nice to have, it’s not ever going to be a pale shadow of the original arm. your new friends will never ‘measure up’ to the old ones for various reasons, even if you do find new ones.
the problem is the presumption. people presume lots of things, that are not necessarily true for you. you presume that having people you can open up to, is always good. but it’s not always.
hell, you can have therapists who do more damage to you than you’d have done without therapy. there are shitty therapists out there. I had a few ‘therapy’ experiences in my youth that basically made everything worse, because the therapist took my emotions and magnified them back at me, rather than actually helping me process them. like when I was 21 I saw a college mental health councilor who tried to convince me I was suicidal, when I was just depressed.
personally, the happiness times in my life are the times I was the least social. and i often struggled more in life when I had ‘friends’ and ‘partners’ and other ‘supportive’ people… who were actively basically trying to sabotage me from pursuing my own happiness because they felt it was a threat to themselves.
Yes, you should cut toxic people out of your life. That doesn’t mean that every relationship on the planet is toxic and should be avoided. People who get amputation don’t just say “I didn’t even need that arm”. They get prosthetics, they go through physical therapy to try and adapt without the arm.
The difference here is unlike an arm, if a friendship doesn’t work out, you can make new friends. If you prefer being alone, there’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s a big difference between saying “I prefer to be alone” and “all relationships are bad and should be avoided”
Yes, but that depends.
If your left arm had cancer, or gangrene, removing it was what you needed to be healthy.
friends/family can be like that. The problem is people assume they are always good. they are not always. lots of people are caught it toxic/unhealthy dynamics and relationships that are making their lives objectively worse, but they refuse to end these relationships out of fear of being alone or their fear of being a ‘loser’ without any friends… when maybe their life would be objectively better without those people in it.
and just like removing your left arm, if you do it, they are not coming back, and even if you get a replacement prosthetic, it might be somewhat functional and nice to have, it’s not ever going to be a pale shadow of the original arm. your new friends will never ‘measure up’ to the old ones for various reasons, even if you do find new ones.
the problem is the presumption. people presume lots of things, that are not necessarily true for you. you presume that having people you can open up to, is always good. but it’s not always.
hell, you can have therapists who do more damage to you than you’d have done without therapy. there are shitty therapists out there. I had a few ‘therapy’ experiences in my youth that basically made everything worse, because the therapist took my emotions and magnified them back at me, rather than actually helping me process them. like when I was 21 I saw a college mental health councilor who tried to convince me I was suicidal, when I was just depressed.
personally, the happiness times in my life are the times I was the least social. and i often struggled more in life when I had ‘friends’ and ‘partners’ and other ‘supportive’ people… who were actively basically trying to sabotage me from pursuing my own happiness because they felt it was a threat to themselves.
Yes, you should cut toxic people out of your life. That doesn’t mean that every relationship on the planet is toxic and should be avoided. People who get amputation don’t just say “I didn’t even need that arm”. They get prosthetics, they go through physical therapy to try and adapt without the arm.
The difference here is unlike an arm, if a friendship doesn’t work out, you can make new friends. If you prefer being alone, there’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s a big difference between saying “I prefer to be alone” and “all relationships are bad and should be avoided”
Yeah, for sure. But a lot of people don’t draw that level of distinction for any of this. Or are even aware of it.
Because the social shame around these things, is so intense. and the fear of being ‘alone’.