All I do is think. I spend the majority of my time alone so i’m constantly alone with my thoughts. The distractions aren’t working anymore. It’s maddening. I think about my life as it exists, my life as I wish it existed, my fears, my hopes, and anything else you could possibly conceive. I have OCD so a lot of my thoughts revolve around sexuality, identity, and more existential concepts. If you have OCD you probably understand at least some of what i’m talking about. I just want it to stop. I can’t focus on anything, even videogames which I very much enjoyed. I just sit and rot. Don’t even get me started on the compulsive porn binging and jerk sessions. I really don’t know what to do. In case anyone is worried I’m not in any danger. I just can’t keep this to myself anymore. I wish I could just shut my brain off and take a long needed rest.
I switched accounts because piefed.world is down again. I do take long walks outside at night. Finding people is tough because I’m in the middle of nowhere and I can’t drive. The only time I can interact with people is when I go to work and that hasn’t yielded anything positive. I have plenty of hobbies already, I just can’t force myself to focus on them.