It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
What bothers me is people who use your name constantly in conversation. “Mosspiglet, I saw this movie last night. Yeah, Mosspiglet, it was really good.”
I also am like this but it’s partially trauma. The general agreed upon “advice” is that if this isn’t related to trauma it’s because of neurodivergence, at least that’s what professionals have told me. My issue is from both.
I despise hearing/reading my name. So much so that when I found a book series I loved, but the MC shared my name I actually put down the paper version, grabbed the e-book, and did a global find/replace on all 12 books to remove my name.
yes, it makes me really uncomfortable! I had a friend who would always say my name while talking to me, and it felt somehow… diminutive? Like she was trying to be motherly? I don’t know.
I had a friend in school who did this. Really nice guy, but he would constantly say your name while having a regular conversation. It was always unnerving and distracting.
I had multiple classmates do this too and they were genuinely wonderful people. I think they heard it once as a tactic and decided to keep using it. Nothing against them but it’s terrible advice What if it was a psyop to make life more difficult for autistic people lol
I use names when specificity is needed. E.g., if I’m in a room with two other people, and I want to address only one of them, I’ll use a name (or nickname if there is one) to clarify who I am addressing.
If I’m in a room with only one other person, then using a name to address them would be redundant, unless I am not getting their attention otherwise (e.g., they’re engrossed in a book).
That’s a pretty good description of when I use names.
Some people do this to convey that they are listening and paying attention. However, when overused, (like saying sometimes name 5 times in a sentence in a one to one conversation) I have always found it disingenuous and try to avoid doing it myself.
I dont hate it, but it’s wierd enough to me; so that i only ever do this to other when i am angry, with elevated voice
Chiming in with the ‘you might be neurodivergent’ crowd.
Absolutely typical.
Welcome and feel free to ping if you want to know stuff.
I think you’re just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get “oddly angry” when someone uses your name when they’re strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.
As an autistic person with ADHD too I was going to say this. I hate my name being used, I strongly prefer dude or mate, I’ll even take “hey you”, but using my name is very similar to extreme eye contact or touching my hands. No, no thank you, I would prefer not to.
It’s not an unreasonable gripe and autism isn’t an insult.
Some people use your name too much and it does feel weird, like they’re trying to use their self-help book advice on you. “Good luck navigating life” is a nasty thing to say. Don’t be a dickI’m not insulting or being a dick. You just are tone policing text, which is wild. I am autistic too. My “good luck” was sincere. Fuck yourself, you holier-than-thou loser.
Tone matters and it didn’t sound sincere, it sounded like you were putting someone down. Immediately resorting to calling me a loser and telling me to fuck myself is telling on yourself. OP was talking about something a lot of people can relate to and you came off mean and condescending. They’re just trying to have a conversation. Sorry you react so poorly to differing opinions, you’ll have a hard and lonely life.
Anyway, not talking to you anymore, there are a lot of people who read some book like how to win friends and influence people and use that advice in a way that you can pick up on. If you feel something is sleazy and off you should trust that gut feeling.
I told you to fuck yourself, because you were attributing something to me that was not said or implied. Fuck yourself again :)
Your response to OP was unkind and your behavior after was egregious. Think about your wording next time. You don’t know what others are going through and your desire to get the last word in could harm a stranger for no reason.
You’re the one that was attributing malice and rudeness where none was implied or stated. I was not being rude to OP, you simply interpret it that way. You’re wrong, and fuck you again :)
If your response to someone telling you you sounded mean is fuck you fuck you fuck you then you should look at yourself
Feeling this. My preferred method to acknowledge people when talking is to look at them. Bad enough, in my opinion. About the only time I use a person’s name is in a greeting or, more often, to get their attention.
At least there is the Fediverse. And STEM.
Being good at any part of STEM is kind of a superpower
Names exist specifically so other people have something to call you. There is no point in having a name if it isn’t explicitly for the purpose of being used by other people.
Doesn’t mean you have to say it repeatedly lol I know what my name is
I get where you’re coming from, YawningNostalgia!
Woooooow. I dislike the Dutch now
Damn, all of them?
Same, mostly.
My cousin’s dutch ex bf was really hot so I could make exceptions
When a customer reads my name tag in an attempt to be friendly
I used to always wear someone else’s name tag because I got a kick out of them calling me by random names
I’m just bad with remembering names so I’ve learned to just not use them.
Hah, for me exactly the opposite: I repeat peoples’ names when I talk to them so I remember them. At first it felt awkward, like OP described, but now I do it naturally without thinking.
I tried that and it didn’t work, just like all the other memory tricks. Hell, I talk to four friends online almost every single day for over a decade and occasionally one of their names slips my mind.
ADHD sure makes social interactions fun!
i write down people’s names when i first meet them on a notebook in my phone. it works!
i.e.: 2026-05-12, university, department of chemistry, charlie (in the context of a new research group i encountered)
note that the example is made up. nobody’s called charlie.
Cool, cool. While doing multiple things can slightly improve the chances of me remembering someone’s name until the next time I sleep when my brain flushes anything it doesn’t consider important that it didn’t drop already. Writing names down does not work for me as a long term solution, but it can be helpful in a short window.
I tried literally every possible approach over decades and nothing sticks for names of people I don’t interact with often. Sometimes my brain does remember a few people’s names, but I have no control over when it works and when it doesn’t.
My favorite thing at work is our photo directory! It lets me see the person to connect my memories to their name in an email or meeting roster because I remember literally everything else about a person except their name when it is relevant. My brain just doesn’t consider names to be important I guess.
My brain just doesn’t consider names to be important I guess.
in the modern world, they are most often not. in some spiritual traditions, names actually mean something. each name has a unique meaning attached to it, that describes the person or some aspect of their character.
There’s the kiki/boba effect for it.
I do something similar! Though my notes are usually more like
Charli - girl w nice ass in yellow pants
Tommy - her bf :(hahah, wasn’t expecting that
Yes it is weird. It is your name, what else should they call you? “Cat with the fluffy eyebrows”?
I assumed the unspoken rule is rule is that the client can give my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints.
The call center would certainly now you took the call without needing your name, but you are partially correct. You giving your name humanizes your interaction with the client so the client is less inclined to submit a complaint. Also so much of customer satisfaction with outages and issues is achieved just by having someone address the issue.
I hate being called “sir” it sounds pretentious as fuck. Use my name, its far more personable and normal. Titles are like dress codes - completely made up theater that people play along with.
In the event of a call center scenario, it wouldn’t even be hard to track down who took the call whether they remembered my name or not, so I still wouldn’t care.
The only time it would be weird/annoying is if the person so constantly using my name instead of a pronoun, or if they’re using a tone to imply negativity toward it.
Yeah, we got rid of nobility for a reason. Demanding being called sir, madame, doctor, etc. Is just a holdover of middle class envy towards aristocracy. I’d much rather prefer to be called by my name than some arbitrary words meant to separate people into hierarchies.
I think in this case it’s more about them repeating your name. Feels fake.
In general I don’t use titles but at work I usually call men sir when they’re 50+ and I’ve never seen someone get bothered by it. It feels weird to go up to a stranger and say “Hi Brian, I heard you’re having chest pain today and I have some questions for you” or whatever. They don’t react negatively and seem to feel more respected. I don’t call women “m’am” because I know that can be irritating.
I think doctor only makes sense when you’re in a role at work. If you’re a visitor at a salon, don’t insist on it. If my boyfriend is booking a plane ticket he shouldn’t add Dr., but if he’s at a conference for fellow PhDs they should. If I’m at work they better call me doctor and not Miss or by my first name or I’ll be big madMust be a cultural thing. Where I’m from, if a doctor doesnt call you by name it is a red flag. It means they didn’t read the patient’s file. Teachers would flag student doctors negatively for it. You treat people, not loosely grouped collections of symptoms. Nurses are also strictly trained to call people by name (perhaps by Mr/ms surname, but that’s part of a holdover from reinforcing hierarchies), you know why? Because our hospitals have wards of anything between 12 and 30 beds and up. Calling “Sir please return to your bed” means nothing with 40 men in the same room, you have to be specific.
On the other hand, if you work a position of power, most people will call you doctor. It’s lawyers fault, really, as they historically used to hold all the political positions. They insisted so aggressively to be called doctors that now anyone in a position of authority or hierarchy, however slight it might be, is called doctor, even if they aren’t. Including in the medical field. Tons of people who aren’t doctors in medicine are called doctors, students of medicine are called doctors from day one, administration staff in medical settings will be called doctor, etc.
It also reinforces the first part. Lowly patients must call everyone inside a hospital doctor, but doctors don’t owe any title to anyone below them. Sure, it might arise from general ignorance about how the education system works, but it also illustrates how titles are always about separating people into hierarchies. It’s just an academic dick measuring contest.
Where are you from? Do you have a caste system? I’m in the US and I am pretty nice to patients and it’s rare that someone has a problem with me. Here we are called medical student or student doctor but it’s pretty clear we aren’t the ones in charge so it’s not like we’re tricking the patients.
I trained at a center with a majority population of Black and brown people and a lot of disadvantaged people, so I thought calling every man sir was a good idea, since it gave the implication I didn’t think I was any better than them. We have a long history of medical racism here. Or more rarely I do Mr/Ms Firstname
Latinamerica, no caste system. But tons of colonialism.
Lotta machismo too.
Very interesting, ty for giving me another perspective. I find titles onerous unless you’re working–don’t call me Dr at the corner store, I’m not gonna thank a random off-duty veteran for their service, etc–because it ranks people as though some are more worthy than others. I didn’t know that about lawyers in latin america
yes
